Stop trying to make everyone have to agree with you!

Hey, what’s up?

Feelin’ groovy…just finished my daily walk. I’m appreciating the summer weather. Where I live it doesn’t stay warm long.

But that’s not why I’m writing this.

No, I have a topic. It’s about opinions.

Question: Why does everyone have to agree with you? opinions

Let me explain.

The other day I commented on a You Tube video I really enjoyed.
I am not a commenter-as I have observed the war that goes on between keyboards in comment sections and I wasn’t eager to join in the “fun”- but at this particular instance I felt moved to share my thoughts.

Well, to my surprise, I saw a response in my email inbox. It wasn’t from the creator of the video but from a fellow you-tuber. She had no profile picture and didn’t use her real name (as is the status quo on the internet-grrr) but she felt the need to let me know that she disgreed with me.

I told her that my comment wasn’t personal. It was just my own observations on the topic. I also stated that her experience is her experience and to be honest, her feelings had nothing to do with the bigger picture of what the video was about.

Well, to my surprise when I open my inbox two hours later, there she is again, disagreeing with my response to her response.

I let her have the last word. That’s what she wanted, anyway. And besides, I don’t have the time or the energy for it.

My point: people have the right to disagree with you. Really.

I don’t have a problem with this person disagreeing with me. (It could be a go-bot for all I know with the internet)- but let’s stay on track here. The problem comes in when someone disagrees with me in a way where they are using it to correct me or “set me straight” -all because of my own perspective of something.

I have the right to my own opinion, dammit!

She was offended because she graduated from a HBCU (historically black college) and my comment stated that these schools were not in the best interest of black students. The video was of a clip of a tenured professor from Hampton University who teaches her students to relax their hair or cut it off (that means no natural stuff) if they wanted to be successful in corporate america. She was animate about her students fitting into white society.

Well, frankly this girl-gobot’s words pissed me off. She didn’t know me and had no idea why I said what I said. It was based on my own educated opinion (an opinion). In fact, I myself went to a HBCU for a brief time and I hated it. I saw the students there and the mentality that was not empowering to blacks-especially for a self-proclaimed historically black school. Not to mention I studied the history of the HBCUs years after I left that particular school and I pointed out how these so-called HBCUs were only slavery prepatory institutions.

This person/woman/go-bot went on to tell me how she did not have that experience and that I was incorrect about HBCUs.

In case you’re agreeing with this chick, let’s clear something up once and for all:

1. I don’t have to agree with you. Get over it.

2. I was not attacking you personally. If something I said triggers something in you, then there’s a reason you need to look at.

3. Just because it wasn’t your experience doesn’t mean what’s being said isn’t true.

…… and the main point here today:

4. If you disagree with me, then fine. But don’t go through the effort of getting in touch with me to let me know that you disagree with me! What purpose does that serve? How can you telling me you disagree with me be of any benefit whatsoever?

But no-ooooo. I have to be set straight. People, let’s grow up. I had to. I was like this woman not too long ago. I took things personally. I reacted and interpreted things through my emotions instead of stepping outside of what someone is saying to see the bigger picture.

There is a part of us that is so desparate for validation-external validation. We need everyone to co-sign what we do, what we have, who we date, what music we listen to, what movies we enjoy, what we look like…and apparently what college we went to.

This person/woman/go-bot took offense at my opinion of HBCUs because she graduated from one. So she is emotionally involved with this instituion and feels she has to defend it. Meanwhile, as I so kindly tried to remind her, the real issue was not whether HBCUs were good or bad, but why these schools were not grooming black youth for autonomy instead of just trying to fit in with “whitey” aka the system.

People listen with their emotions and get sidetracked.

Grow up. Please.

Until next time.

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